Random Thread V2.0

[Miroteknik]

(looking at land rovers online)

wow honey, all of these rovers have extremely low miles! nice change from all these high-mileage hondas everyone seems to be driving

[Miroteknik]

hey ted, i have a son that won the lottery and is looking at cars. i'm afraid he's gonna kill himself. what should i do?

have him buy a jaguar.

[Miroteknik]

(corvette owners Ted, Brian, and Jimothy)

hey bob you're such a gearhead, and you still never come on cruises with us. what gives?

(bob's blood pressure spikes, he ruptures a blood vessel in his brain and falls over, stone cold. bob owns a jaguar)

[Miroteknik]

did you hear they buried bob in his jaguar?

since when has bob had a jaguar?

he's always had that jaguar

[Miroteknik]

dad, what is in the garage?

(bob, choking on his bisquit) NO. NO ONE MAY GO IN THERE do you hear me son? NO ONE, EVER

[Miroteknik]

did you hear Cindy left bob?

no, why? they had it all.....

yes, everything, and a jaguar.

oh, poor Cindy.

[Miroteknik]

Jaguar Reliability: An unmovable object, and an unstoppable force.

[Miroteknik]

Museum Guide: And here, we have our "Still Life" display! (gestures to 6 jaguars in a pile)

[Miroteknik]

Honey, aren't you worried that our son Bennathen could get in an accident? Kids these days are drinking and driving like its the new fad.

He may be drinking, but he won't be driving. I gave him the keys to the Jaguar.

[Miroteknik]

Gee Bob, that car sure is beautiful (says one boomer to another, as they stand guts out, beer in hand). Sure must be hard to keep the miles down on this thing.

Haha..... yeah.....

[Miroteknik]

dad.... was wondering if i could take the jag to prom this year.... all the other kids are taking their dates in cars, i wouldnt want to be the only loser without a car....

we'll see, son

(grabs the bottle of jack and heads to the basement)

[Miroteknik]

mom.... wheres dad?

son, it is February 13.

yeah, so?

this is the day your father drives out to the storage unit with some jumper cables and tries to fire up the jaguar to surprise me with my first ride in it for Valentines Day.

what? he has a jaguar? how long has it been?

20 years, son. 20 years.

[Miroteknik]

(bob on his deathbed) cindy, please call our son to my bedside. i have something i must impart to him

oh son, come to your father's side, and make haste!

father, here am i

son (gasps heavily for air) i ask one thing of you, it is my dying wish

yes father, i keenly await your request,

save yourself, son. destroy the Jaguar

(bob's head falls into his pillow, and for the first time in his life, a wide smile spreads across his face, a light shines through the window, and a glowing peace enters the household)

mother! mother look, the curse has been lifted!

[Miroteknik]

no one sleeps more soundly than a man that has just sold his jaguar

[Miroteknik]

hey man you ever seen the suicide statistics on dentists?

hah, wait till you see the one on jaguar owners